Crossword

I have no real answers for you about what happened. I wish I did. All I really have is my diaries, and the knowledge that it did, in fact, happen. I remember very clearly, sitting in my living room drinking coffee. Or tea? No, no it must have been coffee. It doesn’t matter, I had a hot beverage and I was doing the crossword puzzle. It must have been Sunday if I was doing the crossword puzzle. Yes, Sunday. So I was drinking my coffee and doing my crossword puzzle, when I got a telephone call from my friend. Well, she wasn’t my friend. We knew each other from church, we were in the same Women’s group together. Anyway, she called to tell me that she was going out of town for a few days, and would I check in with her husband to make sure everything was alright. I remember telling her that I would be happy to, I didn’t even question why she would be asking ME. I gathered my crossword and my purse, I said goodbye to my cat, Glory. When I got there, her husband was mowing the lawn. Oh my goodness was he an attractive man. He had those big burly shoulders and a strong chiseled jaw. I know that it’s a sin to covet your neighbors house or husband, but I just couldn’t help myself. I walked right up to him, I’ve never been so bold. I told him that his wife had asked me to check on him while she was away, and oh my goodness he smiled and I just, I melted! He was just the dreamiest man I had ever seen. I admit I’d seen him in church a few times and allowed myself to leer. I had never REALLY had any sort of feelings like this for a man before. I maybe had a little crush on my teacher when I was a girl, but besides that. Oh he just made me feel….like a school girl! Anyway, That first day all we did was chat. We ate some lunch and, he told me all about how he and his wife were trying to have a baby. I don’t know why I told him, but I blurted out that I’d had a hysterectomy a few years prior. I remember that instead of being uncomfortable, he seemed almost delighted. He apologized to me that I’d never be able to bare children, but his eyes suggested that he was glad.

Anyways, I left that first day feeling more alive than I’d ever felt before! I knew it was wrong. I did. But, you see I couldn’t help myself! He was everything I could have ever wanted in a man. Oh I was always a God fearing woman, but that night, that night I could have sworn I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me. I could have sworn the Lord was telling me that this man was my destiny. I was so excited to go back the next day. And the day after, and the day after that. Nothing happened at first. We just, chatted and did yard work together. I completely forgot as time went on that he was married. His wife had been gone for two weeks when it happened the first time.

I know that I shouldn’t tell you this. I mean, it’s not very Christian of me. I know that it’s not lady like to talk about things that should remain private between a man and a woman. But, all he did was push my hair behind my ear and, I couldn’t help myself! I kissed him! Oh and I should have felt so guilty but I didn’t. I felt so safe when he wrapped his big arms around me. I let him have me. I want to tell you that I hadn’t considered that we were committing one of the seven deadly sins, but I had. And to tell you the truth, I didn’t care! Oh he took me right there in the living room on that horrid green couch. Oh it was, indescribable! I had never been with anyone before. He was like an animal! He ripped my sweater off of me, he pawed at me and I loved every moment, when he was….well. I shouldn’t say. But I knew in that moment that he’d known what I’d known all along. WE were meant to be together. Not him and that dreadful woman.

Forgive me, she wasn’t dreadful. She was lovely. You should never speak ill of….Oh, I hadn’t mentioned that part yet. Well, after a few weeks together, I asked about his wife. I asked if he was going to leave her so that we could be together. I felt it was only right that he leave her and marry me. He couldn’t keep living this way, loving me and letting that woman think that there was something to come home to. He seemed resistant at first. I understood, he’d been with her for so long. It would be wrong to say that, we got lucky, but that’s just what happened! He noticed that she hadn’t called in awhile. She originally called once a day, then once a week, then it stopped altogether. He called her mother, he figured that he would be able to get a hold of her that way, but her mother had the most awful news.

While out to lunch with an old friend, she was struck by a vehicle. Poor Emmalina. OH! That was her name, Emmalina. He was sad at first, But I convinced him that everything happens for a reason.

I know, I know that you want me to skip to the part in question. I know, but you see, I need you to understand everything first. I need to explain why I was in the house in the first place.

I didn’t tell the church that I was living in sin with him. I was afraid that they wouldn’t understand. I sold my little house and me and my cat moved in with Gregory. The first year was absolute bliss. Oh, he would….well I suppose that’s not important.

We ran into problems about five years ago. We’d been together about ten years by then, and he started to change. He started calling me Emmie. Not all the time, just every now and then. Like it was a mistake, a slip of the tongue. I assumed it was because of stress. He’d recently lost his job at the Post office after all. But, When he started calling me Emmie, and not realizing his mistake, is when I got concerned. I took him to the Doctor, who said he was experiencing Early Onset Alzheimers. That the only thing to do was to just let it slide when he called me Emmie.

Well, he started saying….things. TERRIBLE things. Talking about how he never wanted children. How he hated me (of course thinking I’m Emmalina) for making him change everything about himself. I felt so awful for him. I didn’t know how to make him understand that she was gone, that horrible woman was gone for good, and that I was here now, that I’d make it all okay. Soon after that came the…...came…...I can’t even bring myself to say it. He stopped being my loving wonderful Greg, and started being very rough. Love making turned into a dangerous game. I know what you’re going to say, that I should have stopped being intimate with him. But, I couldn’t help myself. He was my Greg!

The night of “The Incident” he’d been sitting in the living room drinking one of those non alcoholic beers he loved so much. I was never sure why he loved the non alcoholic, but I bought them because he wanted them.

He had been pretty far gone by now. He’d stopped calling me by my name altogether. I had left the house for a short time just to get some dinner for the two of us. I ran into my friend Josie at the supermarket and she told me that she heard about…..

I’m sorry, you don’t care about church gossip.

When I came back…..when I …….when I came back he was in the cellar. I was never to go into the Cellar, that was his private place. He hadn’t been down there since he’d been diagnosed. I assumed that because he was not well I could go down there and help him. Maybe he was confused.

I….went down into the cellar and …..he’d….I’m sorry I need a moment.

He had covered an entire wall of photographs of Emmalina. It was almost like a shrine! He had things she’d left behind lined up along the floor and candles all around that had clearly been lit many times. I didn’t know what to do. I….I screamed. I couldn’t believe it! All these years he’d been with me, and had been pining for HER! That...THAT WOMAN! Well I startled him and we turned and ran towards the steps. He knocked me down off of the stairs and I hit my head on the way down. I suppose I was knocked out for a few hours. When I woke up I could hear the tv upstairs blasting. I regained my composure and made my way into the kitchen. I just couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that he’d done this to me. After all these years. After all this time. He was always pining for her. SHE WAS DEAD! And he still longed for her. She couldn’t make him happy the way I could. I knew that. Imagine the only person YOU’VE ever loved being in love with someone else! Doesn’t feel so great now does it??

He came into the room and saw me sitting there. He called me Emmie, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to be sensitive to his condition. Not anymore. Not after what I’d seen. So I asked him how he could do this to us. And he….he attacked me. He attempted to take me by force. I say attempted because before he could finish the deed he became…..he became lucid. Probably for the first time in a year. He saw me and knew that I wasn’t her, he climbed off of me and….and went to get a beer! HA! I was even about to tell him who I was but it lasted less than five minutes.

I wanted to leave him that night you know. I wanted to abandon him and his cheating heart. You know, the Bible says that if you cheat in the mind you’ve already cheated in your heart. And that’s what he’d done to me. He’d cheated on me with a memory of a vile woman. A VILE woman. I had heard a rumor around church once when she was still alive that she was having all those miscarriages on purpose. It’s not my place to judge but she was so awful that I wouldn’t put it past her.

Needless to say I didn’t leave then. I didn’t leave him. I stayed for another six months while I got some affairs in order. I sold his house. I got him into a really nice assisted living home.

I know that this all sounds long winded. I know. I know that’s not what you asked for. I understand that you want to know what happened to the girl. I know, but you have to understand what happened before all that. Before I went to New York.

You see, now come in real close because this part is important, Emmalina wasn’t dead at all.

I KNOW! I was just as shocked when I discovered it! You see, I went to New York to visit my friend Eloise. And when I got there, OH you wouldn’t believe. Eloise’s daughter, Chloe who was about 22, she had a friend named Elisia, and ELISIA’S MOTHER Oh my goodness.

Now, Elisia’s mother’s name is Abigail, but I swear to the Lord in heaven it was Emmalina.

She wasn’t there, of course. We visited Chloe’s apartment and her friend Elisia had pictures of herself and her mother all over. Elisia lived there too.

WELL I swear. It was like looking into a crystal ball that woman was alive, I’m telling you SHE IS ALIVE

I’m telling you.

I know what you’re going to say. I know that you’re going to tell me that’s no excuse for what I did.

But I’m telling you, it was her. I’m telling you, I KNEW that woman was alive. And if she’s alive I have some things to say to her.

So yes

I snuck into Chloe’s apartment.

And yes, I went threw that girls things trying to find answers. But let me tell you, that woman. She deserves everything coming to her.

I KNOW that girl is a love child. I bet that’s why she left. I bet that she was having an affair on my poor Greggy and that’s why she left. Because she was pregnant with another man’s baby. I was going to prove it. And do you know what? I was going to take that little girl. I was going to steal her. Yes I was. That was the plan to steal that little…

I

I can’t….

Doctor? I’m very tired now. I’m exhausted. Can we talk to the police tomorrow? I don’t want to talk about it today.

How about tomorrow?

Tomorrow. Can you call my mother, Doctor? Ask her if she’s going to come and visit soon.

Doctor I didn’t mean to hurt Eloise’s girl. I only meant to take Elisia. But she wasn’t there Doctor. She was…away.

Doctor, I’m tired.

Can we talk to the police tomorrow?

Doctor?

 

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